G.I. Joe: Retaliation Cast Is Epic, GI Joe 2 Is Lame (Review)

Writing a G.I. Joe: Retaliation review feels lower than writing a review of Gangnam Style, but here goes. G.I. Joe 2, staring Channing Tatum and Adrianne Palicki, doesn't stray far from its predecessor, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. G.I. Joe 2 is another in a recent string of big, dumb action movies featuring an ensemble cast and nothing resembling a cohesive screenplay.

This G.I. Joe: Retaliation review does not include any plot spoilers, but it really wouldn't matter.

The G.I. Joe: Retaliation cast not only includes Channing Tatum reprising the role of Duke, but apparently every A-lister who was willing to have their name attached to G.I. Joe 2.

Adrianne Palicki joins the G.I. Joe: Retaliation cast as Lady Jaye, and former WWE wrestler Dwayne Johnson plays the part of Roadblock. Like any massive action film, G.I. Joe 2 would not be complete without Bruce Willis, who only shoots new Die Hard and Expendables films these days.

G.I. Joe 2, directed by Jon Chu, is 110 minutes of nonstop action, epic set pieces and plot points so trite and nonsensical that Michael Bay called it the best movie of the year.

Slant Magazine, in its G.I. Joe: Retaliation review, called Chu's direction "poetry in high-speed motion," which is apt and certainly one of the film's only saving graces, but in between the poetry, when the characters are actually speaking, the audience is forced to endure lines such as, "Here's how it works. G.I. Joes — we're a fist. How do we strike? Together."

If you're content to pay $15 to watch large explosions and can forgive G.I. Joe 2 for its impenetrably convoluted plotline, it's possible you'll enjoy the movie, but we don't recommend it.

Here's the full G.I. Joe: Retaliation cast:

Dwayne Johnson - Roadblock

Jonathan Pryce - President

Byung-hun Lee - Storm Shadow

Elodie Yung - Jinx

Ray Stevenson - Firefly

D.J. Cotrona - Flint

Adrianne Palicki - Jaye

Bruce Willis - General Joe Colton

Channing Tatum - Duke

Ray Park - Snake Eyes

Luke Bracey - Cobra Commander