In a somewhat bizarre statement seemingly from the briny depths (where mermaids are, or rather were said to live, before this shocking revelation that is) came news from the U.S government agency NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) that mermaids don't exist; never have, and probably never will.
"No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found" declares the NOAA's new Facts page article on mermaids.
What prompted them to release such a harsh and stinging rebuttal of the existence of mermaids (and let's not forget the mermen either), that surely shattered the worlds of the 23 (only an educated guess, actual figure may vary by 1 or 2) people who believed they were real?
The answer is in fact a fictional documentary program released by the Discovery Channel called Mermaids: The Body Found, which through either the sheer power of its directorial ingenuity and peerless visual effects, or the sheer stupidity of those watching it who believed it was in fact real, led to the NOAA being questioned about the existence of the mythical creatures, so much so that they resorted to (finally) setting the record straight for us all.
Discovery later responded to the aquatic hubbub themselves, with a story that poked fun at the results of their (Animal Planet, a division of Discovery created the program) fictional documentary.
"With a sly wink, "Mermaids: The Body Found" presented a fictional story in fake-documentary format for added plausibility. There's a reason why so many horror films (especially supernatural-themed ones) claim to be based in fact or "on a true story," when they're not: it adds realism and interest" stated the posting. "The program posed scientifically non-sensical questions like, "If massive whales haven't been discovered until recently, it answers why we haven't been able to detect mermaids yet?""
And those non-sensical questions were apparently lapped up like so much fish food by the general public, which probably takes us back to the stupidity of certain segments of humanity as opposed to the brilliance of the program itself.
Regardless, now that the NOAA's set us straight on mermaids, it's only a matter of time before word comes that titans, centaurs, and even dragons (tell that to poor Laurana) aren't real either. Oh, the humanity.
